Tag Archives: family

Does It Get Easier? It Did For Me

You can find groups for oilfield wives all over the internet.  There are entire websites devoted to the oilfield wives.  And there are so many on Facebook.  Pages for oilfield wives blogs, pages for oilfield clothing.  There are groups on Facebook for oilfield wives to “support” each other.  Groups that have regular meet and greets in their areas so that oilfield families can come together and get to know each other.  I am even an admin for a group on Facebook for San Antonio Oilfield Wives, and we get together about once a week (sometimes more) for lunch and such to just hang out.  We have so much in common because we are oilfield wives, and we all understand the things we go through because of it.

Anyway, the whole point of this post was this…

On a couple of the pages that I follow on Facebook, they repost a lot of what the wives post on their wall or send to them in a message so that they can get input and/or support from other wives.  A lot of the posts that I see being reposted are wives asking how we deal with our husbands being gone and if them leaving ever gets easier.  I see a lot of replies saying that you don’t get used to it and that it doesn’t ever get easier.  I know, from reading the posts, that a lot of the women asking these questions are new to this lifestyle (yes, being in the oilfield is a way of life) and they married into it, meaning that their husband (or boyfriend, or fiancé or whatever their relationship status is) was already in the oilfield when they got together.  I’m not sure about the status of the women who reply.  I have read a lot of replies that are basically the same thing.  They say that it doesn’t get easier, you don’t learn how to deal with it, you are super lonely, etc.  My take is completely different.

I’m not sure if it’s because my husband and I were together long before he started working in the oilfield (we were together for nearly four years before this), and so I came into it with some sort of idea of what I was getting into.  We talked about it for a while before he signed on at the bottom of the food chain and began working his way up.  It could be because I am just a different type of person, with a different way of looking at things, or what.  But for me, it has gotten easier.  I did find ways to deal with him being gone.  I am not as lonely as I once was.  I have a great group of friends here in San Antonio, and I have made friends in several of the places that the oilfield has taken us to.  I don’t cry for hours, or days, or at all now when he leaves for his hitch.  I do tear up a little and get a little down when we know he is leaving for longer than he usually does (for the past couple of years it’s only been two weeks at a time, though, and I can do that with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back).  I kiss and hug him bye, see him off, and go on about my life as usual.  I have lunch with friends nearly weekly (I have been missing lunch when he’s home, but he’s grown to like them and is now loving being able to join us for lunch, too).

I stay busy while he’s gone, as well.  I hang out with the girls.  I hang out with the kids.  We will go to the park.  We will walk the dog (although not as often as he would like).  We go to school functions.  I read.  I blog (though not regularly…not yet, anyway).  I sell Scentsy.  I drink coffee (and lots of it).  I talk to family (they all live about six hours away).  I am writing a novel.  I taught myself to crochet.  I am training for a 5K, that the kids are going to run with me.

I’m not really ranting.  I’m not even complaining at all about what they say.  I am just saying that for myself, it’s different.  It DID get easier.  It DID get better.  It DOES work for us.  We talk and text as often as he can (I keep my phone with me ALL the time when he isn’t home, just because you never know when he is going to have a chance to make a ten second phone call).  We don’t take his time home for granted, either.  We try to make the most out of it, both as a couple and as a family, even if we just sit at home and watch movies.


Posted by on April 5, 2013 in Life, Oilfield


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Bullying Just Got Personal

I would like to start off by saying I am against bullying.  Always have been.  Always will be.  I am not raising my kids to be bullies.  I am not raising my kids to be bullied.  I am raising my kids to be against bullying, bullies, and to do what they can to stop and/or prevent bullies from bullying others.

As a child, growing up where I did and going to school where I did, I was a victim of bullying.  I didn’t let it affect me.  I saw others being bullied and I would step in and let them pick on me as opposed to the other person.  I felt that I had the mental capacity to handle it and not let it get to me like it seemed to do others.  I’m sure I did a little bullying myself.  Every kid does while they are trying to find their niche.  Am I proud of it?  No, of course not.  Was I aware that I was doing it?  No, of course not.  Did I even think of it as bullying?  No, of course not.  But I am guilty myself, just as a lot of other people are and they don’t even realize it.

I have worried about my children being bullied.  Every parent does.  With us being in the oilfield, we move around a lot.  That means that my children change schools a lot.  My daughter is in fifth grade and my son is in fourth grade.  The school they are currently attending is their fourth school in six years.  It is our intention to not make them change schools again, but as much as we don’t want to move again, in the oilfield there are no guarantees.  Anyway, I digress.  Back to the subject at hand.  Bullying.  I’ve worried they would be bullied, and with them being the “New Kids” in school a lot, it is a bigger concern for me.  I was the New Kid a lot.  The New Kid is usually the first one to get picked on and bullied.

I have taught my children to always stand up for themselves and to be strong and stand up for others.  Even when it is hard.  Do the right thing.  Put yourself in their shoes.  I know that that could also put them in the direct line of fire.  They were studying tae kwon do for a while.  They didn’t make it all the way to their black belt before we moved, but they made pretty decent progress.  Both were blue belts before we left.  I am hoping to get them back into it pretty soon.  We are just trying to find the right place with the right instructor here in San Antonio.  I bought them each a Stomp Out Bullying bracelet from the store (proceeds go to and they both proudly wear them every day!

For the past couple of months, my nephew, who is a vibrant outgoing child of five, has become more withdrawn from everyone and has been having trouble in school.  He wouldn’t ever tell anyone why, he would just say, “I don’t know.”  That was his explanation for everything.  Why wasn’t he doing his work anymore?  “I don’t know.”  What is wrong?  “I don’t know.”  He lost all interest in going to school.  Why don’t you want to go to school anymore?  “I don’t know.”  He recently started getting into more and more trouble at school.  To the point that my sister has a meeting with the counselor, vice principal, his teacher, and herself this afternoon to discuss everything.

She has noticed that most of the time when he is getting into trouble it is during his “specials” class time.  PE, Art, Music, Computer Lab, etc.  So she went up to the school yesterday to sit and observe him in his special class.  Lo and behold, she has identified the problem.  Another child in his class has been bullying him.  It has gotten progressively worse, evidently, and is at the physical stage.  This little boy went out of his way to cross the gym to where my nephew was to try and slam his head into the concrete wall.  For no reason.  Other than he doesn’t like my nephew.  Another little girl, in his class, tripped him to “fall” on top of him.  The gym teacher is only one person, in charge of three classes of kindergarteners.  She can’t see everything all the time.  She saw the little girl trip and then “fall” on my nephew and she got scolded.  However, the little boy that tried to slam his head in to the wall was unobserved by anyone other than my sister.  She noticed that before he did anything to her son he looked around to make sure that the teacher wasn’t looking.  She also informed me that another child in my nephews class has told my nephew that he wouldn’t play with him and wouldn’t be friends with him because he is a white kid.

I do not believe in identifying people by their race.  My children know that there are different races, but they don’t identify people by their race.  They don’t think it makes them different.  My nephew lives in a predominantly black community and is the only white child in his class.  My nephew has never seen race as something that makes someone different.  He has black cousins, mixed cousins, a mixed aunt.  From personal experience (I went to the same schools years ago that he is currently going to) and being white is a big thing for the other students.  White people are looked down upon in that community.  Is it right?  No.  Do I agree with it?  No.  Does it happen?  Yes.

Hate is being taught in all forms.  We, as parents, are the only ones that can put a stop to that.  Do not teach your children to hate.  Do not teach your children to bully others.  Do not teach your children to stand by and watch people get bullied.  Teach your child to stand up for themselves.  Teach your child to stand up for others.  Teach your child respect for themselves and others.  Teach your child to Stomp Out Bullying!

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Posted by on March 5, 2013 in Life


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