You can find groups for oilfield wives all over the internet. There are entire websites devoted to the oilfield wives. And there are so many on Facebook. Pages for oilfield wives blogs, pages for oilfield clothing. There are groups on Facebook for oilfield wives to “support” each other. Groups that have regular meet and greets in their areas so that oilfield families can come together and get to know each other. I am even an admin for a group on Facebook for San Antonio Oilfield Wives, and we get together about once a week (sometimes more) for lunch and such to just hang out. We have so much in common because we are oilfield wives, and we all understand the things we go through because of it.
Anyway, the whole point of this post was this…
On a couple of the pages that I follow on Facebook, they repost a lot of what the wives post on their wall or send to them in a message so that they can get input and/or support from other wives. A lot of the posts that I see being reposted are wives asking how we deal with our husbands being gone and if them leaving ever gets easier. I see a lot of replies saying that you don’t get used to it and that it doesn’t ever get easier. I know, from reading the posts, that a lot of the women asking these questions are new to this lifestyle (yes, being in the oilfield is a way of life) and they married into it, meaning that their husband (or boyfriend, or fiancé or whatever their relationship status is) was already in the oilfield when they got together. I’m not sure about the status of the women who reply. I have read a lot of replies that are basically the same thing. They say that it doesn’t get easier, you don’t learn how to deal with it, you are super lonely, etc. My take is completely different.
I’m not sure if it’s because my husband and I were together long before he started working in the oilfield (we were together for nearly four years before this), and so I came into it with some sort of idea of what I was getting into. We talked about it for a while before he signed on at the bottom of the food chain and began working his way up. It could be because I am just a different type of person, with a different way of looking at things, or what. But for me, it has gotten easier. I did find ways to deal with him being gone. I am not as lonely as I once was. I have a great group of friends here in San Antonio, and I have made friends in several of the places that the oilfield has taken us to. I don’t cry for hours, or days, or at all now when he leaves for his hitch. I do tear up a little and get a little down when we know he is leaving for longer than he usually does (for the past couple of years it’s only been two weeks at a time, though, and I can do that with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back). I kiss and hug him bye, see him off, and go on about my life as usual. I have lunch with friends nearly weekly (I have been missing lunch when he’s home, but he’s grown to like them and is now loving being able to join us for lunch, too).
I stay busy while he’s gone, as well. I hang out with the girls. I hang out with the kids. We will go to the park. We will walk the dog (although not as often as he would like). We go to school functions. I read. I blog (though not regularly…not yet, anyway). I sell Scentsy. I drink coffee (and lots of it). I talk to family (they all live about six hours away). I am writing a novel. I taught myself to crochet. I am training for a 5K, that the kids are going to run with me.
I’m not really ranting. I’m not even complaining at all about what they say. I am just saying that for myself, it’s different. It DID get easier. It DID get better. It DOES work for us. We talk and text as often as he can (I keep my phone with me ALL the time when he isn’t home, just because you never know when he is going to have a chance to make a ten second phone call). We don’t take his time home for granted, either. We try to make the most out of it, both as a couple and as a family, even if we just sit at home and watch movies.