Does It Get Easier? It Did For Me

05 Apr

You can find groups for oilfield wives all over the internet.  There are entire websites devoted to the oilfield wives.  And there are so many on Facebook.  Pages for oilfield wives blogs, pages for oilfield clothing.  There are groups on Facebook for oilfield wives to “support” each other.  Groups that have regular meet and greets in their areas so that oilfield families can come together and get to know each other.  I am even an admin for a group on Facebook for San Antonio Oilfield Wives, and we get together about once a week (sometimes more) for lunch and such to just hang out.  We have so much in common because we are oilfield wives, and we all understand the things we go through because of it.

Anyway, the whole point of this post was this…

On a couple of the pages that I follow on Facebook, they repost a lot of what the wives post on their wall or send to them in a message so that they can get input and/or support from other wives.  A lot of the posts that I see being reposted are wives asking how we deal with our husbands being gone and if them leaving ever gets easier.  I see a lot of replies saying that you don’t get used to it and that it doesn’t ever get easier.  I know, from reading the posts, that a lot of the women asking these questions are new to this lifestyle (yes, being in the oilfield is a way of life) and they married into it, meaning that their husband (or boyfriend, or fiancé or whatever their relationship status is) was already in the oilfield when they got together.  I’m not sure about the status of the women who reply.  I have read a lot of replies that are basically the same thing.  They say that it doesn’t get easier, you don’t learn how to deal with it, you are super lonely, etc.  My take is completely different.

I’m not sure if it’s because my husband and I were together long before he started working in the oilfield (we were together for nearly four years before this), and so I came into it with some sort of idea of what I was getting into.  We talked about it for a while before he signed on at the bottom of the food chain and began working his way up.  It could be because I am just a different type of person, with a different way of looking at things, or what.  But for me, it has gotten easier.  I did find ways to deal with him being gone.  I am not as lonely as I once was.  I have a great group of friends here in San Antonio, and I have made friends in several of the places that the oilfield has taken us to.  I don’t cry for hours, or days, or at all now when he leaves for his hitch.  I do tear up a little and get a little down when we know he is leaving for longer than he usually does (for the past couple of years it’s only been two weeks at a time, though, and I can do that with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back).  I kiss and hug him bye, see him off, and go on about my life as usual.  I have lunch with friends nearly weekly (I have been missing lunch when he’s home, but he’s grown to like them and is now loving being able to join us for lunch, too).

I stay busy while he’s gone, as well.  I hang out with the girls.  I hang out with the kids.  We will go to the park.  We will walk the dog (although not as often as he would like).  We go to school functions.  I read.  I blog (though not regularly…not yet, anyway).  I sell Scentsy.  I drink coffee (and lots of it).  I talk to family (they all live about six hours away).  I am writing a novel.  I taught myself to crochet.  I am training for a 5K, that the kids are going to run with me.

I’m not really ranting.  I’m not even complaining at all about what they say.  I am just saying that for myself, it’s different.  It DID get easier.  It DID get better.  It DOES work for us.  We talk and text as often as he can (I keep my phone with me ALL the time when he isn’t home, just because you never know when he is going to have a chance to make a ten second phone call).  We don’t take his time home for granted, either.  We try to make the most out of it, both as a couple and as a family, even if we just sit at home and watch movies.


Posted by on April 5, 2013 in Life, Oilfield


Tags: , , , , , , ,

8 responses to “Does It Get Easier? It Did For Me

  1. Jennifer

    November 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I loved reading your blog! I was actually thinking of starting my own. I love to write. I’m not perfect at it but it is something that I try to do in my spare time. I have also been with my hubby for awhile before he decided to work in the oil field and I must say I am having a hard time. I hate being alone and that’s a big thing for me. I try so hard to not get upset when he leaves but it just doesn’t work for me. :(
    I’m a stay at home mom of 4 beautiful kids. 5,4,2, and 3 months. I also homeschool my 2 oldest.
    I also don’t have any friends at all. I try hard to keep my friends close, but for some reason they never want to hang out with me. I’m pretty sure its because I have kids and cant go out with them. So I guess they really aren’t the kind of friends I need. I don’t even know where to begin to make friends? And I have no family here to go hang out with. I guess I need to find me some hobbies. I can’t wait for the time when it gets eaiser for me while the hubby is gone.

    • ThisOilfieldWife

      April 2, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      Sorry it’s taken so long to reply. I haven’t had internet for about a year, though. That’s the reason for no recent posts. I’m back online and looking to post more, so I hope you hang around. I love to write, too. That’s why I started this blog. I also participate in NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo. Have you ever thought about participating in either one, or both? I applaud you for homeschooling. That is one thing that I would never be able to do. I do not have the patience and I do not have the ability to always explain things to my kids in a way they understand. They both think differently than each other. I understand about it being hard to keep your friends close. I learned a lot about who my real friends were when we started this life together. I made some friends in San Antonio, and even though some of us have moved hours and hours away, we are still pretty close. Not just on Facebook, but we talk on the phone, text, and still get together when we can. I started on a Facebook page. Then that page was dropped and our page began. We went to a picnic that someone else had orchestrated, to a point. We didn’t know each other at all before that and had all been there for at least a year or so. We were pretty quiet that first meeting and now you can’t get us to stop talking. They are some of my best friends ever, and even though that sounds pretty high schoolish it’s so very true. How are things going for you now? Have you made friends where you are? Do a Facebook search for a local group and try and make an event, even with the kiddos. They can try and make new friends, too.

  2. Jade

    December 5, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    I wish It was like that for me. its been nearly a year for us both in this life. he was military before. that was much easier imho. this is. idk what this is. this is hard. it is so hard. just when i thought long distance relationship and military deployments were over and we could be together together, here we are again. same grind different flavor. I work part time. when i’m up to it i exercise. i crochet, paint, screen print on tshirts. I have an abundant amount of hobbies. i just cant help but wish for what could of been if he were home with a different job. i cant help feeling hopelessly lonely. I moved away from all my family, the place i used to live and knew to be with him. I dont know what to do anymore….

    hoping you have some advice

    • ThisOilfieldWife

      April 2, 2015 at 11:34 pm

      Sorry it’s been so long. I haven’t had internet for a year, but I’m back online again and getting caught up on here, comments first, new posts second. I hope things have gotten easier for you. I’ve heard from several military wives that the military life was easier. I can only guess that it’s because in the military you at least knew when he was going to be home and when he wasn’t, for the most part. Please correct me if I’m wrong. That’s quite a bit of hobbies. I taught myself to crochet (with the help of a YouTube channel by BobWilson123) a few years ago. I should probably pick that back up once we get settled at the new place…again. I’m sorry you feel so lonely. Sometimes I feel that way, too, and I’ve been doing this for now almost 11 years. Have you made friends and set up lunch dates or nights out with them? I can only suggest putting yourself out there and making a life not just with your husband but also without him (if that makes sense). I started using pen on my calendar for things to do. Then he started in the oilfield and I started using pencil. I’ve realized that our lives have to go on when he isn’t here, so I’m back to using pen. If he isn’t home for the Christmas back home and we have made plans to go then the kids and I load up and go. We don’t stay home just because he can’t join us. That’s no way for any of us to live. I didn’t want any of us to start regretting the things we were missing out on because he wasn’t there, because I was afraid that any of us would start to resent him and the career choice we made all those years ago. If you need someone to talk to on those hard nights just let me know.

  3. loretta

    January 29, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    I really just wanted to make friends who understand what it is like to have a husband work in this field. My friends tell me all the time that I have it so easy. I do my own thing for his cycle and then get to have a husband for a few days and go back to being just me. What that dont realize is all the ups and downs and how you basically become a single mom doing double duty while they are gone. Its hard and finding a support system would really help. I also dont have facebook.

    • ThisOilfieldWife

      April 2, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      YES! That is exactly it. Many people not in this lifestyle (yes, I believe it is a lifestyle) just really don’t understand it at all. At least, not until they live it or see it really up close. I have a sister that at one point thought I was making up how hard I had it and what all I had to do and how hard it was for the kids and I to live this life. Then she moved 1,500 miles away to live with us for a bit. Then she realized just how much he’s gone and how much I do for the kids, the house, the bills, myself, and family and everything. She lived with us for six months. Now she understands that even though she was a single mom for several years (she had family support and help for seven years of my oldest nephews life but no support from his father) that I’ve been a single mom since he started in the oilfield. The only difference is I don’t have to worry so much about where the money to support my kids is going to come from, are they being taken care of at the babysitter, is the day care really watching them? I also was with them 24/7 until they started school. That’s no easy feat, either. Without having a Facebook account I would suggest looking up meet up sites, such as, and see if you can find any groups there that fit what you would be looking for (playdates for the kids, a book club, a walking/jogging/biking/hiking group, etc. Look for groups that interest you. You’ll find people interested in the same thing as you are and that’s always a great starting point. Sometimes, when things are really hard for me and my husband isn’t able to talk to me on the phone to just tell me he loves me and that it’s going to be ok I call up my mom, my dad, my sister, my friend, my grandmother, or even my in-laws. Talk about nothing or everything.

  4. shantel

    March 10, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    Thank you!
    This is just what I needed to read/hear.

    • ThisOilfieldWife

      April 2, 2015 at 11:47 pm

      I’m so glad that this helped you in any way. Sometimes just a little reading can make you feel that you really aren’t alone and that in and of itself helps. I hope you keep coming back for more and that we can both continue to help each other, because all these comments help me realize that I’m not alone, either.


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